The Five Steps to Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not an emotion; it is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. (Corrie Ten Boom)

The first step to changing harmful psychological and emotional patterns is the concept of forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to approve of what happened to you. You can forgive the person or situation without forgiving the deed.

You forgive for your own wellbeing because the physiology created by not forgiving is hurting you.

Forgiveness is one of your most important CHOICES for improving your health!

Forgiveness means "I instantly learn the lesson and let go of it!"

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Forgiveness finishes unfinished business...

"Forgiveness is the ART of retrieving your soul and returning it into present time; it is the ultimate and most powerful act of personal spiritual alchemy. It completely transforms your cell memory and helps your energy system rewrite the code that is managing your biology so the future cell tissue that spins off from that cell no longer has the toxic memory inside it; it no longer has the code producing the illness.

Wellness center, forgive, forgiveness, alternative medicine, holistic health,  mind-body, wellness, disease prevention, alternative health 0017 So have you left yourself “piecemeal” along the way because you wanted some event or experience to be something other than what it was? Because you were never able to get over an offense? Because you wanted more praise than you received? Because you misunderstood something?

You are in ALL of these places. All of the places that you are, other than here in the now, are in a sense alive. Let’s go one step further...

Your mind does not cease to create because part of you is STUCK elsewhere and is not living in the present time.

By Caroline Myss, PhD

It continues to create no matter where you are. So all of these fragments are living lives of YOU and YOUR OWN; you are living multiple lives simultaneously with this life of yours and every one of these lives is reporting back to you all the time, sending information to your energy-meridian-nervous system about how they’re doing in the places you left them. They keep sending you negative information and your body is registering that. All of these negative reports are felt in your body.

Everyone has experienced at least one deep experience of forgiveness, either forgiving or being forgiven. You know the sensation and that you are one hundred times more energized in that instance than you were before. So you know the feeling, and should also know that a certain part of you is basking in deeper health because that part of you has returned home (1)."

Broken relationships & associated psychological, emotional, psychic, and energetic damage...

Let’s settle something really important right now -- you’re not any less valuable because of a damaging marital setback -- so don’t listen to any negative self-talk about this. It’s probable that you and your ex did not share common spiritual values or live by the same set of rules, and that the common frame of reference required to sustain your marriage was never there.

The same damage can also occur without a formal marriage ceremony and its legal recognition. Couples often become interconnected too quickly; they become sexually and emotionally involved before they even know if they are compatible; this creates a strong binding energetic union with one another.

Without shared common values though, most relationships won’t endure -- they’ll eventually break-up. What’s even more self-harming is choosing to stay in an unsatisfying, unhealthy, and dysfunctional relationship while hoping the other individual will change his or her code of behavior.

Marital break-ups are widespread, and they have the potential to be the most devastating cause of unhealed symptoms, illness, and pain. They weigh heavily on every interconnected-individual; they cause severe discomfort and dramatically disrupt your expression of attachment, devotion, and loyalty.

We’re going to talk about four types of damage a relationship failure can cause, how to understand the harm, how your response can begin the healing process, and what you can learn from the experience.

An ancient text describes marriage in this way:

“a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the TWO are united into ONE. Since they are no longer two but one, do not tear apart what has been joined together.”

Is there a way to explain how the
TWO of you were united into ONE?

What occurs if you "tear apart"
what has been joined into ONE?


ENLARGE the picture to see a clairvoyant's view
of the energy system of a couple in love (2).

Intentional and accidental psychic and energetic damage

Notice how the energy ties join the TWO of you into ONE. Your sexual, physical, and emotional involvement are, whether you know it or not, acts of commitment that join the two of you into an energetic union with one another; you become interconnected co-owners of each other.

That is why it is essential that you share the same spiritual values and live by a similar set of principles; you must be conscious and proactive about your role; you must have a unified sense of harmony to nourish your marriage. Physical and sexual attraction is an illusion that cannot sustain a marriage; you must share common values and principles to develop and sustain a common frame of reference. Any entity divided against itself will fail.

You and your former partner are interconnected at the brow, throat, heart, solar plexus, and sacral energy chakras. Each one of these five energy chakras is individually interconnected with the nerve network beneath it that innervates your physical structures.

The universal field pulsation flows through these energy chakras and nerve networks and provides the vital regulating information that controls and coordinates the underlying organs, glands, muscles, tissues, and cells.

So any intensely focused negative psychological or emotional energy between the two of you will harm both of you, and more so to the one opposing the break-up because he or she has already been weakened by the unwanted separation.

The psychic damage can be intentional or accidental, but either way, both of you will be harmed. Psychic attacks always travel from brow chakra to brow chakra and disrupt the function of the organs and glands beneath them.

Energetic damage is always unintentional and is usually caused by strong disagreements over unshared values, principles, and belief systems with people you care about. These accidental exchanges can come from your throat, heart, or solar plexus chakra (or from more than one chakra), and they harm both of you by disrupting the interconnected organs and glands beneath them.

Ongoing strife and family squabbles not only cause psychic and energetic damage to you and your partner, they often harm innocent uninvolved bystanders, and the people you care the most about. You, your partner, family, and relatives are all interconnected in this mysterious way whether you know it or not.

Two-way energetic attacks also occur when you intensely disagree with the values, principles, and belief systems of your relatives and in-laws. Passionate conflicts with mom become energetic assaults on her; this always harms her children too, which is an unintentional and damaging consequence of disagreements and strife.

I've seen instances where young children have developed unexplainable, serious disorders because of parental and family internecine warfare; the strife interferes with the vital flow of regulatory information through their energy pathways. If mom, dad, and the relatives make peace, the children usually recover without treatment. So you must find a way to be at peace with your relatives now that you know how widespread the damage can be.

This “tearing apart” of marital or other serious relationship bonds causes damage to you, your former partner, and others that you care about. If you want to end this mutually occurring harm, you must terminate the hostile psychic and energetic entanglement.

You’ll feel a number of emotional expressions

When the energetic ties that unite you into one are severed, you’ll feel immediate anxiety and agitation; you may sense the loss of tranquility, as well as your composure, inner calm, and harmony with your former partner.

You’ll probably experience intense feelings and emotions that are harmful to you; you may feel exasperated, and because of frustration be inclined toward outbursts of anger. Overall, you’ll feel emotionally overwhelmed.

You and your former partner were joined together in a very tenacious and unique way, so it’s going to be very disruptive to your energy-meridian-nervous system when the energetic ties that caused you and your partner to function in an interconnected-harmonious way are broken.

Your commitment enabled patterns united the two of you into one, but since there is no longer any nourishment from this interconnectedness, you must consciously move toward singleness.

You must let go of the emotional ties that hold you to your former partner while choosing a peaceful, therapeutic disposition. This release is a major part of your self-healing process.

Recurring psychological damage

On a psychological level, the first problem you’ll experience after your break-up is a struggle with continually recurring thoughts. If destructive thoughts about your separation keep coming into your conscious mind, it is a warning sign that you are not healing, and that you have not forgiven the situation. Think of these recurring thoughts as a request to resolve your feelings about your marital break-up so it won’t become a cause of energy-meridian-nervous system interference that manifests soon after as health problems.

You must stop mentally rehearsing you ex-partner’s faults. If you don’t properly manage your thoughts, the repetition of your destructive thinking will be converted from harmful thought energy into feelings, emotions, hormones, and chemicals that are congruent with the sum of all of your negative energies. This ongoing progression becomes a part of your subconscious memory, and then as auto-damaging memory patterns, it disrupts your self-healing and self-regulating process. In due time you will manifest the exact physiology of your chosen psychological and emotional expression, whatever that condition, sickness, or illness may be.

How the proper responses can protect your health
You can begin healing your health problems created by this relationship failure by focusing your thoughts on gratitude and thankfulness. Start naming and counting your blessings. CHOOSE to be an overcomer. Being optimistic will change the way you feel and avert your body’s harmful emotional-hormonal-chemical response.

Be aware that you can be repeatedly damaged by a self-caused defensive physiology and its associated subconscious memory. Since auto-damaging memory patterns are the underlying cause of nearly every unhealed symptom, illness, and pain, you must avoid creating them! The right thoughts, responses, choices, and decisions will avert this auto-harming process.

Remember that PHYSICAL improvements are usually the result of neuro-emotional and psychological healing that liberates your recuperative abilities.

Avoid harmful negative relationships
Avoid people who are negative, argumentative, and contentious. If you have to be around people who play by a completely different set of values, don’t engage them or try to argue your viewpoints and outlooks on life. Be amiable! If you let them have their own opinions, you will end the damaging psychological, emotional, psychic, and energetic exchanges that mutually weaken and harm each of you.

Find a tactful exit from harmful family traditions. You must remain calm, cool, and collected when you reveal your new plans with negative family members and relatives who do not share your common values. Be prepared for insults and scorn. Maintain your composure and be kind, but firm. Don’t let others use or schedule your time without your consent.

Once you’ve ended the negative social traditions in your life, you are free to build new ones with uplifting people who advance your and your family’s wellbeing. You’ll be glad you did! When you own your own birthdays, holidays, and major events, you can look forward to them all year long.

Choose to learn and grow from this relationship break-up
Adopt an attitude that life is about learning and growing, and then LEARN and GROW from the lessons life puts before you. You can’t stop the trials and hardships from coming your way, but you can decide how you will respond to those ordeals. Positive responses, choices, and decisions will never harm you!

Summarization: My only objective is to explain how your chosen psychological and emotional states become a part of your memory and affect the whole you. My desired outcome is to help you overcome the difficulties caused by the loss of this relationship so you can find the renewed vitality and quality of life you desire. If this section seems cold, or logical, or technical, please accept my apology -- your enhanced wellbeing is my only intention.

The five steps to forgiveness...

1. Forgive yourself for any harm you may have caused to yourself
    and anyone else.

2. Forgive the other person for any harm he or she has caused
    you. (Forgive the person, not the deed.)

3. In your heart, give the other person permission to forgive you
    for any harm you may have caused.

4. Learn the lesson… find some good from the experience that
    can benefit you. You can always learn something from each

   --You can sympathize with others who have been through this
   --You are more conscientious of the feelings of others
   --You can better protect your children from what you learned
   --You must FIND your lesson and FEEL what you learned!

5. Wish the other person well; you must give up the chance to
    get even.

Note: You must carry out these
steps with feeling and emotion.

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The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is the attribute
of the strong.

Mahatma Gandhi, 1869-1948
(Spiritual Leader of India)

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